Title: Kids Rule by: Vincent C Holman copyright 2003 contact: vincentholman@uzane.com comment: sample pages only, do not use without prior permission from author. INT. COURTROOM - DAY - DAYDREAM Christian is the Police Officer. Kayla is taking court notes. Melissa and Vanessa are the Defendants. Shelly and Harry are the Plaintiff’s. CHRISTIAN (like a MC at a party) Please… rise for Judge… Brielle... Brielle enters dressed in Judge garments. Her George Clinton (Parliament) theme MUSIC plays. Everyone stands and dances a la 1970’s except Harry who looks appalled. Brielle groovily makes her way to her chair and sits. The Music ends. The Plaintiffs and Defendants stand facing Brielle. BRIELLE (to the defendants) In the case of “No TV for 24 hours” how do you plead? MELISSA & VANESSA Innocent your Honor. BRIELLE (singing) Innocent - your… Honor. Her George Clinton (Parliament) theme MUSIC plays while she sings. Harry looks at her in non-belief. Brielle pulls herself together and continues. BRIELLE Alright parents you say they’re guilty so The courtroom lights get dim and a spotlight is thrown on Brielle. Brielle acts like a Boxing ring announcer. BRIELLE Let’s get ready to rumble... The BELL RINGS. HARRY (acts confused) Rumble? BRIELLE (short tempered) Yeah, yeah, yeah… lets get it on. Brielle hammers her gavel and instantly the courtroom lights go on and the spotlight disappears. HARRY (to Shelly softly) Let me handle this… It’ll be like taking candy from a baby. Shelly rescinds as Harry takes the lead. HARRY Your Honor… Well the case is a relatively simple one… I noticed that the kids today are watching too much TV and I wanted to make sure that my very own children experienced - the finer things in life. Thus I cut off their television privileges for a mere 24 hour period to ensure a sound environment for them. I’m sure your Honor will agree with my conclusion… BRIELLE Mularky... HARRY (surprised) Mular - Mularky? BRIELLE (stoned faced) Mularky. HARRY (confused) Mularky? BRIELLE Mularky with a capital M. HARRY (to Shelly) Is Mularky a word? Shelly shrugs her shoulders not knowing the answer. BRIELLE Boloney. HARRY Boloney? BRIELLE Boloney. HARRY Now your Honor. BRIELLE Pastrami. HARRY (outraged) Pastrami. BRIELLE Pastrami. With a cap… Pit… Tal – P. Harry is upset with the unprofessional nature in the courtroom. HARRY Now your Honor what does this have to do with anything… Brielle waives Christian over to her. Christian approaches writing on a pad with a pencil. BRIELLE (to Christian) Did you get that order - Boloney Pastrami on rye and heavy on the Mularky… Judging makes me hungry. Christian writes down the order and leaves. HARRY Your Honor… please. Can I continue? BRIELLE Go ahead, nobodies stopping you. HARRY As I was saying I noticed that my kids were watching too much TV and… Brielle cries out to a departing Christian. BRIELLE Oh yeah and get me a Coke with that. Harry is outraged at Brielle’s unprofessional nature. HARRY (shouting) Your Honor, this is so unprofessional. You didn’t hear a word that I said. BRIELLE (bored) Yada, yada, yada… I heard everything you said… So your kids like TV what’s the big fuss... all kids like TV. HARRY (shouting) No I said they’re watching too much TV. BRIELLE (stern) Alright pipe down sonny boy… Don’t get so hyper. (to Shelly) Is he always like this? Shelly makes a reluctant smile. BRIELLE Jeese - Now how do you know they’re watching too much TV? - Did you count the hours? HARRY No… BRIELLE Well did you do a survey? HARRY No… but when your kids can re-enact an entire episode from “Full House” I’d say they’re watching too much TV. BRIELLE An entire episode? - From “Full House”. I’d like to see this… (to Melissa and Vanessa) Which show was it from hunny? MELISSA (proudly) You know the one where the big sister doesn’t want the little sister to hang around when her friends come over… VANESSA And then the little sister wears the big sisters clothes to get on her nerves… BRIELLE Oh yeah and then they argue, fuss & fight… In front of the friend and then the friend leaves... (surprised) You did that entire episode? Melissa and Vanessa shake their heads “yes” proudly. Brielle slaps her knee as she has a good laugh. Harry looks on bewildered. BRIELLE (impressed) Impressive... HARRY (shocked) Your Honor. BRIELLE Good memory skills… What else you got Mack. HARRY (being proper) It’s Harry... (dramatic) I just want my girls to be more like me when I was growing up. - Is that so wrong? BRIELLE Oh you do, do you? Let me ask you something, did they have TV’s when you were a little boy? HARRY Of course they did... (hesitates) They were Black N White… but we had TV’s. Melissa, Vanessa, Kayla and Brielle are aghast. KAYLA/MELISSA/VANESSA/BRIELLE Black N White. KAYLA (ignorant) What’s Black N White? – Ooh sorry. Kayla covers her mouth because she’s not supposed to talk during proceedings. She looks at Brielle apologetically. BRIELLE (to Kayla) That’s alright. Brielle takes the microphone in her hand and stands. The room turns dark as a spotlight appears on her simulating a live onstage appearance at a comedy club. Brielle does her Chris Rock impression. BRIELLE Did you ever see an old movie… and you thought somebody stole the color? There is CANNED LAUGHTER as the movie “Kids Rule” changes from COLOR FILM to BLACK N WHITE FILM. BRIELLE Somebody stole my color... (Brielle shakes the camera) Somebody stole my color... You just wanted to shake the TV and say give me back my color – Give me back my color. I can’t watch Scooby Doo like this… There is more CANNED LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. Brielle releases the camera and takes a bow. BRIELLE Thank you… Thank you… I’m here all week. Thank you. The lights come back on and the spotlight turns off. The courtroom returns too normal. Brielle stops the Chris Rock impersonation. Brielle notices that the movie “Kids Rule” is still in BLACK N WHITE FILM. She taps the camera with her knuckle and the movie returns to COLOR FILM. BRIELLE There that’s better... it wasn’t the TV… It was the way that they made the old films… all gray looking. Disgusted she says to Harry. BRIELLE And you want your kids to experience that. Harry and Shelly look at each other ashamed. BRIELLE Did you have a favorite show? HARRY Did I have a favorite show? BRIELLE (yelling at Harry) Yes, did you have a favorite show as a kid? – It’s not rocket science. Stick with me. Harry nods yes. BRIELLE And what was it? HARRY Batman and Robin. BRIELLE (surprised) Batman and Robin... Man that shows been on forever. Everyone laughs except Harry. Christian enters with the sandwich and Coke. CHRISTIAN (to Brielle) Here’s your sandwich… What did I miss? BRIELLE Batman and Robins been around a very very long time… Harry looks to Shelly for support but she can’t control her laughter. Harry gives Shelly a look like Caesar would give Brutus. SHELLY (to Harry) Well it has… Shelly tries to contain her laugh. HARRY (to Shelly) You too Brutus. Brielle takes a big bite of her sandwich and speaks with a mouthful of food. BRIELLE So anyway… you used to watch Batman and Robin… now did your mother make you quit watching it? HARRY Well no… BRIELLE And now you want to take away your children’s God given right to watch TV? Melissa and Vanessa agree. HARRY What God given right? Besides it was different when I was a child. We didn’t stay inside watching TV, playing video games and listening to CD’s all day. BRIELLE (shocked) Hold it, hold it, hold it… You mean to tell me that they didn’t have music when you were a child either? First no color TV and now this… How did you live? That’s sad… HARRY (somewhat perturbed) They had music… but just not those CD’s. BRIELLE But CD’s are music… HARRY I know they are but we didn’t have them… We had records… BRIELLE Records - are - CD’s... HARRY Well not exactly… BRIELLE (frustrated) What do you mean not exactly… Records are CD’s. HARRY Well not exactly… BRIELLE (frustrated) Do you want to be held in contempt of court? HARRY No your Honor. BRIELLE Then make your point. HARRY I guess all I’m trying to say is that I want my kids to think for themselves and not just follow the crowd. That’s all… Brielle takes another big bite of her sandwich. BRIELLE Now we’re getting somewhere… Brielle addresses the courtroom. BRIELLE I’ve reached my verdict… In the case of “No TV for 24 hours” I rule... for the Defendants… not guilty. Brielle SLAMS THE GAVEL on the desk. BRIELLE A little TV never hurt nobody… Harry points his finger in the air to make a point. He is silenced by Christian. CHRISTIAN Court is adjourned. 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